Wednesday, December 21, 2005

It's official. Dick Cheney is an incorrigible bastard. Well known as an asshole and a miscreant, the vice President actually flew out of his way to add "bastard" to his growing list of derisive monikers. His latest tie-breaking Senate vote would reduce medical care for the elderly, increase fees on student loans, crush hopes and dash dreams. Since General Pinochet was removed from power, Cheney remains the main purveyor of evil in the Americas. This is a reputation the Vice President is apparently trying hard to change using increasingly mischevious tactics. As part of 'Scooter' Libby's testimony, it became known that Cheney had made plans to procure and shred the Naughty/Nice List of one Father Christmas. The shredding plan was halted by Cheney himself however, when upon learning that his Naughty designation would earn him a lump of coal, which was in fact, exactly his desired Christmas wish. Rumors in the marketplace have now been swirling that Cheney's office have been purchasing Naughty designations of every senator and congressman in Washington, with the goal of building a 'large lump of coal reserve'. It is believed by energy analysts that such of cache of 'lumps of coal' could offset America's short term energy crunch and possibly reduce dependency on foreign oil. The Vice President nor his office could be reached for comment.